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Funny
Children Jokes
Who Is Stupid?
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you''re a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn''t want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Happy Butt
It was this little girl''s first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey I don''t think that''s your name you need to go to the principal''s office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal''s office and he asked, "What''s your name?" And the little girl said, Happy Butt." The principal called the girl''s mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name''s is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what''s the difference?"
Hiking Money
A Father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"
"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.
"Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"
"It''s like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Johnson from the bank would come over to see Mom. He''d give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"
Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn''t run into my feet?"
A class member shouted, "''Cause your feet ain''t empty."
Buying a Horse
Lil'' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses'' legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"
"Because I''m thinking of buying these horses."
Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we''d better hurry home right away!"
"Why?" his father asked.
"Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"
Going To The Toilet
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I''m going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I''m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I''ll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That''s much better but to mention the word ''''toilet'''' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
Cow Giving Birth
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Great... he''s 5 and I''m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I''ll just let him ask, and I''ll answer."
When everything was over, Dad strolled over to his son and said, "Well Willie, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the pie-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Giggling In Class
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade
6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started
writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a
giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What''s so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don''t want to see
you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had
forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very
top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder
giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What''s so funny Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the
punishment is more severe, "I don''t want to see you for three
weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she
turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This
time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well
teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Legs In The Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that''s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that''s great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I''m coming, I''m coming" If it hadn''t of been for Uncle George holding her down we''d have lost her for sure!"
Airplane Conversation
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let''s talk. I''ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don''t know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know shit?"
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